Some bands can survive a major upheaval and some cannot: Metallica and ACDC both bounced back after losing key figures in their line-up. Some bands can survive regeneration and some cannot: Velvet Revolver, now denuded of Scott Weiland, are essentially what Guns N Roses should have become and EVERYBODY KNOWS IT – where is ‘Chinese Democracy,’ eh? Stone Gods, assembled from the still smouldering remains of The Darkness’ diva-nova… tries. Okay, I’m being generous.
So Dan Hawkins, 2nd bassist Richie Edwards, Toby MacFarlaine and Ed Graham all got an unquenchable thirst for rock n roll and decided to keep it real by forming their own band. Only problem is, it sounds like a typical half-arsed project engaged in by middle-aged men (like me) to stave off responsibility and realisation; it’s crisis rock. Oh, and they forgot to bring any songs of their own.
This sounds really harsh, but to be honest one of the best things you can do with this album is play ‘spot the riff-off.’ ‘Burn The Witch’ boosts Iron Maiden’s ‘Aces High’ and Skid Row’s ‘Monkey Business,’ ‘Don’t Drink The Water’ lifts the intro from Rush’s ‘Spirit Of Radio’ so blatantly you’d expect to see Geddy Lee packing heat and heading for Lowestoft, ‘For Whom The Bell Tolls’ is stolen… twice! See how many you can spot. If this album were a shop, it would be that dodgy exchange place full of ‘honestly sold’ TVs. There is some semi spirited guitar work from Dan Hawkins, but he loses interest and goes for the easy option, slapping together some easy chromatics or brief tri-tonics, leaving you teased and tormented in the worst of ways. The rhythm section show little or no flair, being content to plod along and push out the beat like a metronomic sausage machine. But the worst is yet to come. Avert your eyes, those of an easily offended disposition.
Those lyrics suck the arse of Beelzebub! Misogynistic, xenophobic and just plain crass – if you get through the first two tracks (“the flames are gonna lick around your wizard’s sleeve” has to be the worst lyric since “I’m as serious as cancer”) you will not be rewarded for your determination. Trying to ape ACDC’s effortless lasciviousness requires the usage of double-entendre and wit, not single entendre and swearing: “you’ve brought a knife to a gun fight… so fuck you!” Oh, how awfully drole. I can see what Richie is trying to achieve, I think; it’s grittiness, but all he acheives is clunkiness. And as for doing a protest song in the name of all-day drinking? Right, so we all get annoyed at musicians doing politics, but this is moronic and I LOVE to drink. You might be thinking this all sounds a bit Spinal Tap and Spinal Tap are funny, but that’s the point: Spinal Tap are funny; these guys are serious.
To hold off from the scathe for a moment, this album is undeniably catchy. I mean, it’s got to be if you’re using so many half-inched riffs. But it’s let down by such amateurish delivery. If The Darkness was all about reviving the pomp and glamour of the seventies, this is about seeing a tired old 80’s/90’s rock band trying to revive the worst excesses of that period in a pub playing to a group of aging rockers too drunk to care anymore. I know this will upset some people who think that rawk should be raucous, but there are so many other bands doing it so much better who won’t get half the attention. If you want something musically saucy, check out last year’s debut from ‘The Films.’ If you want something filthy, get ‘Moist Boys IV.’This? A vague shadow of something that could have been so unashamedly old school but just ended up being embarrassing.
Popularity: 22% [?]
Haha what a pathetic review!
Its an absolutely fantastic album built up with some of the finest songs to come out in many years.
Half arsed? The lads spent a hell of a lot of time working on this, and it has 100% paid off, and it sounds great and the songs are awesome!
The lyrics are very clever (Makin’ it Hard = genius). The guitar riffs are fantastic, just what that Mr Hawkins does best. As for the Metallica comparisons… have you heard Trivium? Go complain about them before Stone Gods…
Don’t Drink the Water being compared to Spirit of the Radio? Pffff you clearly have no idea when it comes to rock music. My advice to the fine readers of this website is, completely disregard this idiotic review. Its an awesome album from some of the finest musicians to come about this decade.
Cheers!
I actually partially agree with the review, but i do like the Album very much. the thing with rock music is you’re allowed to borrow ideas off each other… blues music was allowed to do it? look at the blues scale, if there were lawsuits for every time that was used, there would be no music left…. and if you are REALLY looking for scrutiny look about 3 mins into defend or die… Am i evil anyone?
And Oh whereo my beero? that’s so tongue in cheek its amazing… if you didn’t see that then, well, i think you need to get your head seeing to…
and Don’t drink the water is lyrically immense! the ‘Pretty young girl handing out the wotsits’ line had me in histerics…
*not the scale, i meant the bassline… idiot…
Oli, Sam, I am currently getting my head seen to, but I am not changing my mind – my general ire is from feeling so shortchanged by this album and feeling the artists therein have cheapened themselves. Hawkins is a great guitarist and he’s better than this. As for tongue in cheek, you really should check out Moist Boyz IV – horrid, but horridly creative.
We should have a forum for this – would you guys go to a forum for this sort of thing?
I have to agree with Sam(i think is the Sam who runs the SG UK Team, i run the aus team).
This album is plainly unbelievable. To say it is half-arsed is a disgrace. These 4 young men spent months and months of writing and crafting these great songs, and you call it a half-arsed effort? Jesus, I’d hate to see what you would say about an album that WAS produced half-arsed.
As for Dan Hawkins’ guitar work, he is one of the best guitarists there is today. These songs contain so of the most awesome riffs anyone is ever likely to hear for a long time.
Lyrically, this album is amazing. Each song brings a new element to the album, wether it’d be the anthem ‘Gunfight’ or the amazing ballad ‘Magdelen Street’.
I depsise reviewers that take the time to carefully think what they’re wriitng about. This band are gonna rule the world, with the Stone Gods Temple and all other fans enjoying the ride, It’s a shame you won’t be a part of it!
Bit of a typo in my first comment, I meany i depsise reviewers who DON’T take the time to think carefully before they write.
Oops!
Don’t you also mean ‘despise?’ I won’t point out the irony… oh I just did.
Personally I believe to say that the lyrics “suck the arse of Beelzebub!” is a completely and utterly unfair statement to make. The lyrics are linked perfect;y with how the band sounds, and the line “The flames are going to lick, around your wizards sleeve” is a great classic rock-esk lyric, worthy of Dio… in fact it’s the best line in the song. I’m not going to lie, i myself felt disappointment in one song, ‘Wasting Time’, I feel a bit as though the lyrics should be sung by an indie band rather than the likes of the Stone Gods and any way if your going to attack lyrics look at any indie band currently out there. At least if you think the Stone Gods rip other riffs off from other bands at least they don’t copy their own songs like that atrocity Scouting for Girls, if i ever meet a member of that band they’ll lose something they consider vital! Oh and the opening riff to Don’t drink the water doesn’t sound like spirit of the radio at all, you clearly don’t play guitar, it’s only similarities are that it’s high and that it’s the same pace. That doesn’t class it as a rip off my friend.
And Olli I found the Wotsists line fantastic too, cracks me up every time.
Plus you have to admit Rob that Magdalen Street has good lyrics and is at the very least a highly passable ballad from a band who just love to get out and play rock music, it makes a great live song and is a great catchy ballad in general, it’s become one of my favorite songs very quickly also Lazy Bones is a beautiful song lyrically. I don’t mind if you don’t like the band or the album, plenty of other fans who find it to their taste do and no band is always gonna please everyone but to slanderise a perfectly good album like this cannot go unopposed!
This is the best hard rock album i have heard in at least 2 years and i have heard a lot, ignore the ridiculous review.