Oh. My. God. Has it really come to this? Are TV executives now so creatively bankrupt that they think a re-inventing of ‘Minder’ is a good idea? I mean, are they gonna go all Battlestar Galactica on its arse and get dark, moody and gritty… Arthur Daley a wife-beating small time alcoholic criminal with a penchant for moody goods and watersports, Terence McCann a hired fist who conceals a secret life of cottaging and transsexual group scenes? Oh, it stars Shane Richie. Guess not then. Attic Lights, you really should know better.
But forget for a moment the idea of Shane Richie dousing some inexpensive East End hooker and take the theme as a separate entity. Take out the brass and Chas n Dave piano, replace both with guitars, pour on a jigger of super sweet harmonies and voila! A new beast emerges. Imagine ‘Pumping On Your Stereo’ done by the Bay City Rollers (really, just check them out, don’t take my word for it) and then realise how uncockney this sounds. The chords are open, the pop is seriously Hibernian… this is about as far from the original as you can get without changing the whole bloody song entirely. The series will still be horrible, but this is actually quite nice in a ‘I can’t believe I’m listening to this’ kinda way.
PS For all those people out there who may have seen the recurring sketch on ‘Little Britain’ featuring the diminutive Dennis Waterman, a wee fact for you: he didn’t write the theme tune; it was his wife. There, you’ve learnt something too…
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